Last night, I was catching up on life and all its beautiful absurdity with my friend back home. In the midst of informing me of all the new engagements, marriages, pregnancies, etc., he shared with me the story of a young woman whom I know and have been privy to some of her headstrong mistakes and misjudgments. For privacy sake, I won't divulge any names.
It seems that this girl (several years younger than me) has been struggling with issues of purity and relationships since she hastily married in her early college years and was divorced soon afterwards. Following this, she returned to her hometown and commenced to serial dating. Added to her dating outlook was the practice of sleeping with the guys she was dating. This was not merely for the enjoyment of it, but, she insisted then and still does today, a necessary act to make sure the guy was right for her.
After several relationships lived out by this standard (a few that emotionally hurt some friends of mine when she grew tired of being with them), she has finally settled down with another guy (who seems quite nice), and is now pregnant with his child. They have lived together for some time, but only recently got married. She is in her third trimester with the child.
The question I would like to raise on this blog is not about her, but about what has transpired in my home church since all of this came to light (and it was not all at once, as many people knew of her outlook and her activity for quite a while). Unashamed of her promiscuous ways while dating and living with a man she was not yet married to, she has shared many times with many girls that none of this is a sin or against Scripture. Recently, it came to a point where, after several conversations with her alone as well as with her and her new husband, the leaders of the Singles/Young Couples group at the church (a long-time married couple) have asked them to leave the church. The leaders are taking quite seriously the statutes of 1st Corinthians 5 and Matthew 18:15-20, which lead them to expel the young woman and her husband.
My question is this: Do you feel this is the right move, as much as it matches with Scripture? Do you think the leaders and the church are right in expelling them from fellowship? My concern is that church discipline isn't what it used to be, when only one church existed in every city. Separation from fellowship might have worked well back in the early church, but today it seems that this couple could simply church hop and eventually find a community that looks the other way to any and every little thing they've done. And would that be so bad to look the other way?
Let me know what you think...
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4 comments:
Good guestion. What do you think? :) Hey Vernon!! Hope all is well.
Wes
I actually left Hays Hills because I was in disbelief when the pastor announced in a church service that he asked people to leave the church due to a similar situation. I feel like the church should be open to all people, no matter their sins. It makes me angry that one Sunday we'll talk of grace and mercy, and the next, we'll ask people to leave the church because we don't agree with their views or actions.
this is something that i have wrestled w/ greatly! i mean, on one hand, i want to totally agree w/ sabrina and (as you know me) i am huge on accepting everyone and embracing people's differences. but, when does the time come when the actions or inactions of someone in the fellowship has become blatant and unremorseful and must be held accountable? i am a person who sides w/ the gospel of grace far more than the gospel of judgment and damnation, but that's the thing, i recognize that there is such a time when a person in fellowship w/ the church must be held responsible/accountable for their refusal to concede that their lifestyle is not healthy and that they are in need of help (or forgiveness from God or whatever). now, then comes the question of what "cases" are deemed ok and which are deemed as being "sinful" and in need of confronting by others. i think the case that you mentioned here (from what i gather from your writing here) has been handled well since they approached the young lady first (as mentioned in scripture) and then bringing another person in if they don't admit to their wrongdoing and display remorse for their actions. then, if they still don't admit or own up to it, then you are to cut off fellowship w/ that person w/ an understanding that this only means that it is being made public that the people disagree w/ the person's lifestyle, thereby making it known that the person of God is called to live in a way that is different from the world.
i want to make it very clear here that i am not saying that i have all of this figured out and/or think there must be a strict way of dealing w/ every single case no matter what the circumstances.
i think a large area where many christians are getting caught up in a lovey-dovey (sp?) notion of God and the church is the interpretation of "accepting everyone." yes, we do accept everyone and are called to be loving to all, but do you really define love as never bringing someone to be accountable for their actions? or, even trying to bring out the "take the plank out of your own eye" card whereby you imply that one person can't confront another bc they too are sinful and they have no right to "judge" another. is this not the same ludicrous thought some parents have where they feel they can't say anything to their kid about doing drugs or having premarital sex bc they did it too. that is not love! in love, there is also a loving discipline. i agree that this often is played out as unloving discipline, but i must always strive to be one who knows when to be loving to my brother or sister in Christ and let them know that i don't agree w/ how their living.
the last thing i will mention is that i also believe there is a difference b/t those who are a christian and those who are not. if they are not a christian and in the fellowship, then we are called to love them and welcome them into our fellowship. i mean, why would you blame the dark for being dark (to use biblical imagery)? instead, what we must always ask and demand of the light is why is their light so dim? it is the christians who must be held accountable for their actions or inactions w/ regard to fellowship. i can explain more if i have left some things unclear, but that's just a little taste of where i stand...
peace.
On your point of there being no Biblical heirarchy of elders in the independent churches (like Baptists), I agree that excommunication is a bit trickier. However, any group of elders should have the authority within a church to make a decision like that. It's not so much for the girl's sake as for the church's. One bad apple can do a lot of damage. I've seen it already in Mercyhouse a couple times. One lady has gone from church to church around the area wreaking havoc along the way. It was helpful in her case for all the local evangelical pastors to have friendships with each other.
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