Blessing

May peace rain down from heaven
like little pieces of the sky
little keepers of the Promise
on these souls the drought has dried
In his blood and in his body
in this bread and in this wine
Peace to you
Peace of Christ to you.
- Rich Mullins

A few years ago, my friend Amy took several of us out for dinner. To celebrate her birthday, we drove all the way from Worcester to Providence to dine at The Cheesecake Factory. Once we sat down and ordered, she announced to us that she would be the one to foot the bill. We objected - it was her birthday after all - but she insisted. She explained that, while working in Thailand, she was introduced to the tradition of hosting and serving friends on one's birthday rather than being served. Despite the fact that, as college minister/missionaries, we all brought in meager earnings, we finally ceased our objections and later watched as Amy happily relinquished a chunk of her income for the large meal. Maybe I shouldn't have ordered that Dulche de Leche slice on top of my Crusted Chicken Romano...

Today on my birthday, I think of this and I realize that my friends make up a diaspora, scattered from Austin, San Marcos, Waco, Dallas, Boston, and beyond, and as much as it will save me some money, I am saddened I cannot offer such a gesture of blessing and thankfulness to those I love, those I have missed and am missing as I live here in Houston. Perhaps I am the one scattered.

So, above is a blessing written by Rich Mullins. I trust in ex opera operandi as I, a sinful not-so-young-anymore man, bestow this blessing upon all of you, my friends. May the words of this blessing find their way into the core of all your lives, changing you from the inside out, granting you peace, patience, and infusing your minds and hearts with unending grace and love. It's the best thing I can give. It's no free Crusted Chicken Romano, but may this blessing find all of you -

Stevie, Shane, Jenny, Kyle, Jason Z., Carl, Jill, Nathan, Austin, Sara, Lois, Kevin, Lauren, Sabrina, Lisa S., Josh, Chad, Chris M., Natalie, Kristen R., Ryan R., Meagan, Lisa W., Grayson, Drew, Matt, Maggie, John Y., Dave, Emily, Katie, Baxter, Janalee, Myles, Amy B., Jason H., Martha Kate, Cliff, Ken, Dr. Gloer, Burt, Bro. Terry, Paul, Taylor, Abe, Stephen, Jeff, Kelly, Amy G., Aaron, John R., Anna, Mark, Geoff, Stacey, Ryan S., Stephanie, Bonnie, Shirley, Jimmy, Kristen K., Seth, Charles, Katherine, Phil, Hazel, Martus, Jeanie, Amy S., Christopher, Gloria, Janice, my wonderful Leigh, and my mom and dad (and everyone else I forgot)-

and may it be my way of honoring you.

Wow, there's no way I could have footed that bill.

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

Come, they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A newborn king to see, pa rum pum pum pum
You work so busily, pa rum pum pum pum
To-Do Lists aren't for kings, pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

How to honor him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When I come?

Little baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I've work so hard for you, pa rum pum pum pum
I've forgot my gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
Church work makes me so busy, pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

Shall I throw out my lists, pa rum pum pum pum
'Till there're none...

Advent begins this week, Sunday marking the first new Sunday of the Christian year, and I am captured in dozens of little lists. I've got youth activities planned, volunteer meetings scheduled, mail-outs to make, and a dramatic Hanging of the Green service which looms over this week (I've still got to learn my lines! ... I've got to check if that girl can play Angel 1! ... Will everyone be able to make it to our one rehearsal?! ... Will everyone know their lines?!).

During this season of the year, stress can consume us before we even have a chance to remind ourselves (or be reminded) of the focus of season. Christ is coming! Christ is born! We begin the year again anew, and the mystery of the Incarnation is what must captivate us, not the hectic schedules and flurry of programs and events. But how do I practice such reflection while I sit here at my desk, surrounded by an army of to-do lists and little reminder Post-Its, besieged by calendars and staff meeting notes?

I suppose blogging is a bit of a release, and in these brief moments of typing I am able to reflect on this power struggle of the mind and heart. On one side, the requirements of a community plunging into the busiest time of year for services and events. On the other side, a tiny, shivering baby lain in a feeding trough in the darkness of a cramped barn.

Which will prevail? I sit at my desk, wondering and waiting with baited breath.

It Takes All Kinds

Thank you all for responding to the questions I posed in the previous entry. Please keep commenting if you would like, either on this entry or the one underneath. Every once in a while on this blog, I veer into an area of introspection or analysis that might run some people the wrong way, but I feel it's important to the greater theme of this, the search and continual discovery of the stuff of wonder, that we all take time to consider those things that detract from true faith or make an outright mockery of it.

To that end, before I give my (certainly misguided) two cents regarding the subject of the last post, I wanted to share something that initially seems funny but in reality is quite offensive and tragic, at least in my opinion. Yesterday I was driving down (or up, depending on where you are on it) San Felipe with Leigh on our way to an evening church activity when my eyes wandered to the right to read the latest marquee message of another church that I pass at least twice a day. In the past, this church has posted cutesy, mostly shallow messages, such as "What's missing from this ch ch?" However, on this week, the church sprinted past cutesy to downright offense. The latest marquee read:

Try Jesus. If you don't like him, the devil will always take you back.

My mouth fell agape immediately. In one simple statement, this church was purporting, to hundreds who would pass, a galling statement that is both poor theology and a perpetuation of an "us vs. them" mindset. I felt like calling the church and asking if they would tell all the insulted people that might call in to come to my church instead, where it seems we are slightly more careful in how we refer to those who have not professed a relationship with Christ.

I suspect that an us vs. them mindset pervades a majority of our thinking in churches today. This is not surprising, because, on the surface, Scripture itself often seems to read this way, whereas a deeper, more patient reading of Scripture gives us a more compassionate and gracious understanding of those "outside of Christ." I do not claim to always succeed in the latter kind of reading. However, I do think such a mindset affects many church decisions, from evangelistic strategies, to membership requirements, to church discipline.

I do not think this girl (introduced in the previous entry) is outside of Christ. Some may look at her lifestyle and suspect a Christian would not live the way she has, but then again, such an ideal Christian certainly wouldn't live the way I have either. The truth is, we all stand in need of great grace. And this is the one kink in my understanding that keeps me from agreeing whole-heartedly with those of you who commented in affirmation on the process of discipline described in the previous entry. I'm with Grayson in this respect. Where, then, is grace? It seems expulsion upholds a limited love, and though there is much Scripture that lays out somewhat specific disciplinary rules, I have trouble reconciling expulsion with being the body of Christ, which simply means to love as the Savior loves, unconditionally, unceasing...

If such a thing were to take place in my own church, I suspect I would find myself between a rock and a hard place, and therefore would have to make a decision, because, sadly, the above paragraph seems to be no real decision at all. But expulsion? I like Chris' and Natalie's comments (on this blog's Xanga doppelganger) regarding why this girl and her new husband should not be allowed to continue to attend regular worship and weekly bible studies, as long as they are no longer counted on to teach. We wouldn't keep out others with acute problems with sin, so why them? Is not separation of leadership enough?

I suppose bad company corrupts good character, but if there is any community that should remain unafraid of this, I think it should be the Church, of which Jesus once said, "the gates of Hades will not prevail against it." (Matthew 16:18)

Disciplinarians

Last night, I was catching up on life and all its beautiful absurdity with my friend back home. In the midst of informing me of all the new engagements, marriages, pregnancies, etc., he shared with me the story of a young woman whom I know and have been privy to some of her headstrong mistakes and misjudgments. For privacy sake, I won't divulge any names.

It seems that this girl (several years younger than me) has been struggling with issues of purity and relationships since she hastily married in her early college years and was divorced soon afterwards. Following this, she returned to her hometown and commenced to serial dating. Added to her dating outlook was the practice of sleeping with the guys she was dating. This was not merely for the enjoyment of it, but, she insisted then and still does today, a necessary act to make sure the guy was right for her.

After several relationships lived out by this standard (a few that emotionally hurt some friends of mine when she grew tired of being with them), she has finally settled down with another guy (who seems quite nice), and is now pregnant with his child. They have lived together for some time, but only recently got married. She is in her third trimester with the child.

The question I would like to raise on this blog is not about her, but about what has transpired in my home church since all of this came to light (and it was not all at once, as many people knew of her outlook and her activity for quite a while). Unashamed of her promiscuous ways while dating and living with a man she was not yet married to, she has shared many times with many girls that none of this is a sin or against Scripture. Recently, it came to a point where, after several conversations with her alone as well as with her and her new husband, the leaders of the Singles/Young Couples group at the church (a long-time married couple) have asked them to leave the church. The leaders are taking quite seriously the statutes of 1st Corinthians 5 and Matthew 18:15-20, which lead them to expel the young woman and her husband.

My question is this: Do you feel this is the right move, as much as it matches with Scripture? Do you think the leaders and the church are right in expelling them from fellowship? My concern is that church discipline isn't what it used to be, when only one church existed in every city. Separation from fellowship might have worked well back in the early church, but today it seems that this couple could simply church hop and eventually find a community that looks the other way to any and every little thing they've done. And would that be so bad to look the other way?

Let me know what you think...

Flight

I stand upon the precipice, leaning at the edge. There is a strong updraft gusting; it tries to keep me from leaning too far. But for the familiar fear residing in my mind, my whole being desires to separate from the ground under my feet and soar into the wild, boundless sky. It is an unknown, frightening blue sea, but no more dangerous than the dusty dirt beneath my feet in which I have placed far too many footprints.

I know I cannot simply jump. My mind won't allow it, nor will the updraft. I am held fast in place, flirting with the edge, unable to free myself. Unable to fly. I have done all that I feel I can - I have stepped to the edge and peered out into the sky. My heart is filled with a desire for so many possibilities that do not exist upon land, but are rumored to lie somewhere within the wild blue stretching out endlessly before me. To get there, however, will take more power than I possess on my own. Strength to overcome my own hesitation and the guarding, gusting wind here at the edge.

I do not need merely a holy nudge, but a holy shove. A confident push that will separate me. Perhaps I will only plummet to the rocks far, far below, but even in such a crash there is more wonder and excitement than when I fall here on land. Falling here is but a pathetic scrape of the knee. Falling out there is a glorious destruction. Everything out there is better, is truer, is wild and unpredictable.

Deep down, beyond my present fear, I believe a real life is one lived in flight. I need this wildness. I need the unknown.

But first, I need a holy shove.

Politicians

Whatever happened to, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?" Whatever happened to being the "bigger man" and responding nobly to idiotic statements and verbal attacks by simply saying nothing at all? It's that whole turn-the-other-cheek thing - I don't think it ever really caught on.

It is interesting how John Kerry is trying to sound nobler by insisting he was attempting to make a joke about the president, not the troops, as if this would make him less childish. It is interesting how the White House has jumped upon Kerry's idiocy like a starving man on the last doughnut in the box. It is interesting how each political person's criticism or support of the statement sounds manufactured and condemnatory rather than honest - sounds focused on polls rather than human dignity and troop conditions.

It is bitterly amusing how much I act like these pathetic, rival bullies. I misspeak, then defend, then misspeak again even worse. I rail against others, other people and other churches, for having a completely skewed idea of the kingdom of God, and later I get the feeling I am no closer to understanding it than they are. No matter what, I rarely know when to shut up, stop grappling for leverage, and simply be still.

Woe is me, a politician of the faith.

"I pledge allegiance to a country without borders,
without politicians,
watching for my sky to get torn apart.
We are broken, we are bitter, we're the problem,
we're the politicians,
watching for our sky to get torn apart."
- Jon Foreman (Switchfoot)